For some people, pregnancy is a beautiful experience, indeed I have even heard a family member say that she was born to make babies. But behind the curtain of the happiness and the miracle that is creating a new life, there are some seriously dark realities that women often feel they have to keep quiet on. Whether from guilt that they are the lucky ones to be able to have a child or from some strange societal pressure that we should shut up and smile regardless.
But fuck that! I can simultaneously be thankful I was able to get pregnant and at the same moment utterly frustrated that I haven’t been able to shit in a week. One does not negate the other. But I think that it has been women’s silence, correction, women being silenced that meant I was quite taken aback at how difficult, particularly the first trimester was. Even close friends, I feel they slightly sugar coated the bad days, and because of this I spent some time in my early pregnancy just wondering if I was a giant pussy and not able to cope with anything hard.
It’s like you enter this private club, finally gaining that prestigious membership and you get to start asking people about their experiences. It is in that moment you see this strange glimmer in their eyes, this almost villainous moment where now they know they can divulge the truth. It is the ‘oh now we can tell you’ stare and you almost wait for that evil villain laugh to follow. You see the truth is, they knew it was going to be bad but didn’t want to tell you the full extent. It’s like finding out Santa isn’t real and credit cards aren’t free money all in the one moment. I guess in their minds though, they think if they had shared this info, that the reproduction of man kind might come to a very dramatic end.
Personally though, I like to know the full truth. Just because something is hard it does not mean it is not worth getting into. I like to know the best case scenarios and the worst, just to have this mental understanding of what I’ll be getting myself in for. And hey maybe it was partly me not seeking it out or maybe my social media algorithm just didn’t aim me towards the truth but I was 100% not ready for the physical or mental toll pregnancy takes.
So if you are reading this and have never had a baby but want to, or you are just curious or maybe supporting your partner or friends through their pregnancy here’s the most honest review I can give you… well for the first trimester, I think each trimester will get wildly different ratings!
Pregnancy: The First Trimester (3 Stars)“Expect the unexpected and be prepared for the wildest things for you body to do that are completely out of your control”
Those first twelve weeks are the strangest time, when you are meant to keep quiet that you are pregnant (we will discuss this bullshit in the future) and yet your body is having utterly crazy reactions to the surge in hormones and you know, your body physically turning an embryo into a tiny human.
As I mentioned I found out very early and that is because my body started to change very friggin quickly. That first change is a pretty standard symptom but you have no clue to what extent you might get hit …. NAUSEA.
Nausea is crazy! The things that can trigger it can be so unexpected. Of course some things are obvious, smells you might have been repulsed by before (sweaty knee sleeves in the gym) will now hit you like a truck going 100 mph. But it is the unexpected triggers that just throw you. For me, savoury foods became my nemesis, spending an hour creating a dinner I used to love only to take one bite and want to curl up and die on the bathroom floor. The smell of petrol and diesel made me not want to get out to refuel my car. Oh and my dogs whom I love dearly, now caused me to gag on a regular basis – much to their confusion.
I managed to luck out and only threw up twice – once because I coughed too hard and once because the tablet I tried to swallow was too big – but too the women throwing up daily or struggling with HG, you are friggin warriors and deserve a medal after all that!
Oh and one more thing – it’s not “morning sickness” it’s whenever your body fucking wants sickness and for me it was 5pm nightly!!! Fighting the urge to just lay on the floor at work was so hard.
TIP: Full fat cola, I was never a huge fizzy drinker before pregnancy beyond needing it for a hangover cure but a can of cold full fat cola was how I kept the worst of the nausea at bay!
Added to this fun I had the delight of constipation, I legit could only poop once every four to five days. This also meant I basicaly had a bloat bump from day one. I cannot express the excitement as I entered the second trimester and it eased to every second day. Not ideal but Jesus Christ it felt better!
TIP: Eat all the fibre filled cereals in sight, they may not be the most nutriously good but my God they help!
Next up on the expected but undersold symptoms FATIGUE! I was thinking it might be an extra hour sleep here or there but no, try 2-4 hour naps because your body just needs to shut down followed by a solid 9 hours sleep. Now I realise to some this level of sleep sounds like bliss, and trust me I enjoyed it to start with too. But see if you have a job, a home, dogs and you know general adult responsibilities it can make life a bit more tricky.
Walking dogs at 1am because you slept through the evening, washing piling up because you can’t keep your eyes open long enough and don’t even think about a social life because leaving the house for anything beyond the essentials is a push!
I was lucky enough to keep going to the gym up until week 8 but between week 8 and 11 I was living in no man’s land, and all I could muster was the strength to get through work then the rest was down to Adrian because when I got home I needed the couch or bed … there was no other option!
Those few weeks felt rough and I honestly felt so useless, I felt I was being stripped of my indentity and independence. I am not good at being sick at the best of times but the guilt as the housework piled up and I couldn’t even walk the dogs the length of the street was bad. How anyone survives that period with other children to care for is beyond me! I was very lucky it only floored me to this extent for 3 weeks, I have friends who felt like this the whole first trimester and beyond so trust me I am grateful I came out the other side. But in this time I realised my body was not my own now, I had to bid farewell to a few aspects of life and just admit defeat because things had to be adapted now to just function on a basic level.
TIP: When your body is telling you to sleep don’t let anyone shame you or question it, it’s normal. That nap was probably a limb or a brain or some other essential organ growing, that nap was needed so your body could do something much bigger so take the nap if you can!
Once I got through that first trimester, I lucked out and turned a corner as they say. Want to know the weirdest thing though – there is a period between week 12 and 18, before the movements start being constant and once the symptoms have eased that you have moments of feeling OK. But do you know what happens to your brain in these moments, YOU PANIC! And all of a sudden you start to pray for a sign, anything to kick in and just confirm that you are in fact still pregnant and everything is ok. You need that nausea, fatigue, constipation or your nipples to ache like they are growing like Pinocchio’s nose (yup this happens too) just to prove to yourself this is still real! You have become so conditioned to these symptoms, you almost need them now as confirmation that everything is actually ok. Dare I say you even miss them a little when they go because despite how testing it was, it was how you knew that you were infact pregnant.
Now all in all I have been having a relatively good pregancy, and I am now starting to forget the feelings of those weeks that really tested me. In fairness the next stages – third trimester and birth – are likely to throw up challenges and I might eat my words but inspite of everything I have listed and felt… I actually really enjoy being pregnant. And it’s not out of the guilt that I have to say it and not purely because it’s given me the best hair of my life. But this whole experience has helped me fall in love with my body and mind on a whole new level. I was always grateful for my body, I loved testing it in regards to fitness over the past few years particularly and it’s done incredible things. But so far this wins, this beats any PB’s in the gym, it eclipses doing the Moonwalk without training and is more impressive than all the drunken antics I survived (don’t climb Arthur’s Seat at 3am in heels!). This experience isn’t meant to be easy but I think the mental strength I have developed this far is what is going to power me through to be a stronger mum.
Well that’s the hope anyway! So if you are starting out or preparing for it, I won’t lie so much of the first trimester sucks and if you have been through it you know it was, don’t lie. BUT when you get through the bad days you become this stronger more impressive version of yourself. It is pretty bloody magical just knowing what the human body can do!
Till next time!
Katy & Bump x
Not Feeling Quite Myself 